


The Vanishing Boy

by Ford_Ye_Fiji



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Abusive Reginald Hargreeves, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Unsolved Mysteries, An inordinate amount of line breaks, Attempt at Humor, Dead Reginald Hargreeves, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Humor, POV Outsider, Pennycrumb is there for five seconds, but he exists now so ha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:08:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27200221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ford_Ye_Fiji/pseuds/Ford_Ye_Fiji
Summary: The thirteen year old son of an eccentric billionaire disappears off the street in 2002. Seventeen years later, the truth comes to light. However, there are things that remain to be explained.-Basically the umbrella academy but if conspiracy theorists, the internet, and true crime shows actually existed in the tua universe.
Comments: 86
Kudos: 310





	1. Missing: Number Five

A woman with black hair sits in a chair, dark fingers tugging a pink cardigan closer, her legs crossed under a long flowered skirt, “My name is Mia. I was a huge fan of the umbrella academy back in the day and participated in a lot of community projects. Zines and stuff you know? I mean I read all the comics, bought all their merch.” The woman, Mia, smiles, brushing curls of dark hair back behind her ear, “I was fourteen. I had a really embarrassing crush on the blond one. Luther.” 

* * *

“My name is Issac and ah… yeah, I guess you could say that I really liked the umbrella academy. I frequented a lot of the forums. Ran into a lot of teenagers, which makes sense.” Issac laughs, adjusting his square glasses. He is dressed in a dark sweater and pressed slacks, hair graying slightly and just starting to thin, “I mostly kept track of them for the super powers. I mean, all of a sudden there are these amazing kids fighting crime? And this unmarried billionaire just adopts them? Yeah that’s not fishy.” 

* * *

“I remember though, that kid disappearing. I mean it was a big thing right? I watched all the interviews. I think I still have them on recordings somewhere. His siblings seemed really upset about it but they didn’t talk about it much. I mean, I get that.” Mia leaned closer, “I wouldn’t want to talk to the universe about my brother vanishing either.” 

* * *

“Yeah the kid disappeared and that’s when I really started digging into things. I mean, the first time anyone even noticed he was missing was when they went on the mission to stop that giant rampaging tentacle monster.” He ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair, “Well, I should explain- I kept track of what their powers were.” He pulls out a phone, scrolling through his pictures quickly before finding one of a board, covered with faded blurry photographs, thumbtacks and yarn, “I went digital awhile ago. But it was the teleporter- The Boy who vanished. The kids called him Five in interviews. Which I question. Who names their kid Five?” 

* * *

“Yeah I thought it was pretty weird. The dad didn’t do much either. The milk carton campaign was pushed through by fans, if I’m remembering correctly. Actually, did Reginald Hargreeves ever say anything? I can’t remember. I don’t think he did.” She wrinkled her nose, “I got the feeling that he didn’t like press interviews. He made speeches and stuff, but it felt rehearsed you know? Like he had to do ‘em and he had the kids do them but if he had a choice, he wouldn’t be up there.” 

* * *

Issac clasps his hands, “So we had the milk carton campaign, the press had a field day with it... I think I’ve still got all the newspaper clippings in a box somewhere. I know me and the guys threw a lot of theories back and forth. I mean, who _is_ Reginald Hargreeves? He was an inventor, an olympic gold medalist _and_ he worked with NASA back in the sixties. One of my good friends, Charles, he uh, he had this crazy theory that he was actually an alien.” The man chuckled, “I mean, I may be a bit of a conspiracy theorist but I’m not like _that_ you know?”

* * *

“To be honest, looking back on the Umbrella Academy now as an adult? It was messed up. I mean, they had super powers sure, but they were _thirteen_.” Mia shrugs sadly, leaning back in her chair, “My oldest daughter is thirteen. It doesn’t matter to me if she had super powers, she would be at home learning how to be a kid.” Mia half laughs, “She can save the world when she’s older, you know? And as a parent to think about them. Well, I mean, not that I’m saying anything, but I think something was definitely off with Reginald as a father if he was letting his little kids do that.”

* * *

“That campaign ran for years, you know? The girl, the Rumor- yeah the one who’s the movie star now, I still remember that interview. Uh, late 2002 I think. That was the most acknowledgment of the whole affair that I ever saw. It was pretty heartbreaking. I was convinced Reginald had killed the kid and buried him in his basement or something. I mean, sometimes in interviews they gave each other these _angry_ looks. Or at least, the missing kid did. To be fair, he seemed to be a pretty angry kid. But if that’s how you treat your dad? Silent fury? Like you’re too afraid to speak up, to make a scene…? Well, something has got to be going wrong there.” 

* * *

“That interview was so sad! She cried, and then they panned away so quickly ugh. I could just tell they hadn't been expecting her to actually _cry_ . At least they thought to take her off camera. Crying on national television would’ve scarred me for life… It helped that she was so well spoken. I can still remember what she said- it was- it was… she was just begging you know?” Mia pauses, looking away, voice quiet, “She was just _begging_ for us to find him… to bring her brother home.” She wipes at her eyes, “Sorry, sorry. It’s just. They were _thirteen_.”

* * *

“You know there was a seventh kid he had, right? She wrote that whole book. Yeah the one where she just let it all out. It’s messed up. For everyone. That really confirmed for me that Reginald was completely off. I mean one of his kids vanishes and he doesn’t do anything? No interviews or missing posters or rewards, nothing. Then that other kid, The Horror. Gone. Not even a note in the obituaries or an investigation. Just oh yeah, he’s dead now, let’s move on.” Issac gestures passionately, “He killed those kids, paid off the police, and he did it all right under our noses.” 

* * *

“What? Oh yeah, I saw the news clip. The 2019 one. I had to call Shareen. He was her favorite. I mean it had to be, like, a cosplayer right? There’s no way that was actually him. I mean, he looked like he was thirteen. He couldn’t have… there’s no way that’s him. He’d be thirty by now.” 

* * *

“Yeah I can’t believe it but Aaron was right.” Issac adds to the camera, “Aaron was a quantum physicist. He was the smartest I swear. Absolute genius. We fell out of touch a few years ago, but he was the one who initially connected the dots. We were all so caught up in Number Five’s spatial abilities that none of us even thought about the time travel possibilities. I thought it was an okay theory. Until I saw him on that clip. I mean, that was him! That’s the Boy! I brought up past interviews for comparison and yeah, that is _him_ . Or a damn good imitation. But, I mean, we already know he’s living in that mansion with the rest of them now. It’s got to be him. And Aaron was right. It _has_ to be time travel.” 

* * *

A boy glares at the camera, shifting in his seat. He is wearing shorts, knee high socks, a sweater vest, and a dark blue coat with the Umbrella Academy insignia on it. His dark hair is carefully combed and the silence grows with each passing second. Finally, after another few minutes, he speaks, “If I’m going to do this, can I at least have something to take the edge off?”

“Five!”

The camera shifts to the far right of the room, where a woman with dark hair and an angry expression on her face has put her hands on her hips, “No, Five. You are _thirteen_ .” She glares at him, lips pursed. Five sighs from offscreen. There is a shout from the next room, “ _After_ , Five! You have to wait to drink until _after_ the interview.” 

“Klaus I swear-!” 

The camera cuts off. 

* * *

An old man nods, dark skin wrinkled and pockmarked. He is wearing a button up shirt and black slacks, dress shoes carefully shined, “Yes. I’m Davis. I was one of the investigators at the time. It was a… very _odd_ case. None of the kids would say anything. All clammed up whenever we asked questions. Like they were scared. One of the kids, the girl, the quiet one, she tried to tell me he wouldn't leave them. She insisted on it. You stay long enough in this business and you hear that a lot from families when something like that happens. I really believed her though or, I believed that she thought so.” He scratched the back of his head, “She seemed like such a sweet kid. She reminded me of my own daughter. Ah, Eudora. They were nearly the same age.” 

* * *

Number Five sits, sullen, next to the same dark haired woman from earlier. She smiles, picture perfect, at the camera. After a moment, she nudges the boy who grunts, sitting up straighter. The woman adds again through clenched teeth, “Five, answer their question.” 

He glowers darkly at the floor, “I don’t see why I have to do this.” 

Her voice is full of false sweetness, “Five.”

He looks at her and her eyes widen slightly, nostrils flaring. Five sighs, low and heavy and long before folding his arms petulantly, facing the camera, and saying with an irritated eye roll, “ _Yes_ , I am Number Five.” 

* * *

A woman with blonde hair nods, adjusting her pencil skirt, “My name is Sara.” She sniffs, “Look, other than the lack of coverage I’d say the case wasn’t too odd. I mean, it seemed pretty cut and dry. Kid vanishes after excusing himself from lunch. I mean, other than the fact that his father was a billionaire and he was a superhero it was pretty simple. He could’ve been trafficked. Lots of kids get taken off the street like that. He could’ve just run away.” She adds, “Sometimes the simplest explanations are the most likely.” 

* * *

The woman clasps her hands in front of her, “My name is Allison Hargreeves, but my father named me Number Three.” 

A man on the opposite side of the couch yawns, blinking in the light as he stretches. His long hair has sparkly butterfly barrettes in it and he is wearing a replica of a vietnam army jacket. He smiles lazily at the camera, “I’m Klaus Hargeeves. But dear old dad named me Number Four.” 

The boy sandwiched between them glares at the camera, “I’m Number Five and I’m too damn old for this.” 

* * *

The former policeman, Davis, nods, “Yeah, the father did one interview. He told me that this kid- Number Five- would come back when he was ready. Said something about how it was a tantrum or something. I believe his exact words were ah, that Five was prone to ‘fits of rage’.” Davis shrugs, “I don’t care how the kid acts, if mine vanished on the street, I’d be turning over every single rock to find them. I mean, that’s your _son_.” His brows furrow, “But, you know, after a few weeks we got a notice to shut everything down and turn in all our evidence. The case was closed.” Davis folds his hands together carefully, “If you’re in the force and suddenly the case is just shut down and everything is taken? It’s not right. I know he was rich. I know he had friends higher up. I still think he purposely took the police out of the equation.” 

* * *

“I didn’t run away. Lets get that part down.” His lips twist, “Or, I didn’t mean to leave. I would’ve come back if I could’ve. I tried too. A lot of times, I tried to get back home. I just… couldn't.”

Allison’s brows furrow sadly. Klaus plays with his fingers, lips twisted with bitterness and something distinctly melancholy. 

Five hunches, “I would’ve come back if I could’ve.”

* * *

“I’m not saying it couldn't have been more complicated,” Sara leans back in the chair, seeming to confide to the camera, “Look, I wrote a couple of articles and stuff. People really latched on to his disappearance, you know? Hundreds of kids vanish everyday and everyone fixates on the celebrity son of a billionaire.” She scoffs, brushing wisps of blonde hair away from her face, “Typical, right? Then the newspaper I was at kept getting flooded with tips and sightings when there was a hundred thousand dollar reward offered.” Sara rolls her eyes, “The father cut that off real quick. Apparently one of the siblings had offered the amount on national television. He said that they weren’t ‘authorized’ to say such things on his behalf and that ‘too many false leads’ forced him to rescind the offer.” She snorts, “Just typical.” 

* * *

“I am not thirteen-” 

“Five,” Allison hisses, “Yes, you _are_.”

Number Five glares at her. Klaus speaks from where he is now sitting, upside down on the couch, hair brushing the ground, “Aw, let the man speak for himself, sis.”

Allison looks heavenward, “Fine. Whatever.” 

Five crosses his arms defensively, “I’m not thirteen! I’m not going to lie for the sake of the world’s sensibilities. I am sick of pretending and people just assuming my age. I can’t even buy Advil, Allison. Fucking adv-” 

The camera goes dark again.

* * *

“I swear he’s the same guy. I mean c’mon.” An old woman with gray curly hair pulled back by a bandana gestures at a blurry photograph, “See, there’s me and Marv, and there he is, in the center. They’re the same guy.” She smiles, her eye twitching in a nervous constant tic, “We were all part of this, um, group. Called Destiny’s Children. No, not the band.”

* * *

“I’m fifty-eight.”

Number Five sits alone, ankles crossed as he sips from a coffee cup. It is unclear what it is filled with, “I got on the wrong side of time, if you will. Wound up projecting my consciousness into my thirteen year old self. It took me forty-five years to figure out how to get back.” He tilts his head, “Among other things, I mean.” 

Five takes another sip from his cup. 

* * *

Issac raises an eyebrow, “Oh you talked to Bethany? Yeah, she’s um… She’s something alright. I think she went to Woodstock. Aaron didn’t talk to her much, but Charles and her really seemed to hit it off. Y’know, he thought they were aliens, she thought the Umbrella Academy caused the Kennedy assassination.” He laughs, “You could say it was a match made in heaven.” 

* * *

Bethany adjusts the multicolored bandanna in her hair, “Yeah, he was a true visionary. I remember… oh it was the late eighties I think, early nineties maybe. And I heard it on the radio. Just out there… and I knew, _I knew_ , that was him. He was just speaking out to us from the ages. It was his exact words. I just couldn't believe it.” Bethany sways a little, smiling brightly, “Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you.” She glances back at the camera, laughing a little, “Sorry, just got caught up in the memories

* * *

Five frowns, distinctly more relaxed than before even if his words carry annoyance, “But Vanya, they asked. Dad _was_ an asshole. What was I supposed to do, lie?” 

A small, mousy woman sits next to him, looking very awkward and self-conscious in front of the camera, “But, Five, you know how Luther feels.” 

Five huffs, “Yeah okay. I _guess_. But he better work through his daddy issues fast. I’ve got a lot of trash on the old man.” 

Vanya sighs, “I mean, yeah, that’s fair.” 

* * *

“I really think those kids cared about each other.” Davis nods, shifting in his chair, “When we were still working on the case, I watched some interviews. They were typical kids, but you know, there were things, there were signs. Even if they hit a tense moment or you could tell there was some bad blood over the subject, they really tended to stick together. The boy who went missing, even if he had a short fuse, I really do think he cared. He got snippy at reporters when they hounded his siblings too much- just little things like that you know? The rest of it was just instinct. A gut feeling. Truthfully, though?” Davis looks at the camera, eyes dark, “I really don’t think that the kid would’ve left. Not on purpose. Not if he could’ve helped it.” 

* * *

Sara rolls her eyes, picking at her blouse, “Yeah I heard that they found him or something- which good for them. He was probably living it up in some rich hotel in Thailand or something, right?” 

* * *

Allison adjusts her seat, elegance in every one of her movements, “If you don’t mind me asking a question, actually?” 

She leans forward, hand against her cheek, raising one slim eyebrow, “Why didn’t you guys look into my brother’s disappearance earlier? It was pretty well-known thing and it has been for seventeen years. I’d thought that with all the publicity you would’ve made a documentary ages before this.” 

* * *

Sara puts the tablet down on the table, laughing incredulously, “No. _No_ . That’s the- that’s _not_ the kid. He’s still thirteen.” She glances between someone offscreen and the camera, “You’re joking. He’s… c’mon, that’s not actually him.” Her brows draw down after a moment, already pale face whitening further, “You’re not joking.” 

* * *

Allison sits back, “My father? What do you mean you had to wait until Reginald died? He wasn’t… he wasn’t actively subduing getting the word out was he? I mean, Five was on the milk cartons for _years_. Reginald wouldn’t…” her lips thin after a moment as she studies the people behind the camera. She sighs, shoulders slumping, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose, “...He totally would.” 

* * *

“Look,” the blonde woman, Sara, says, “Chances are there are seven people in the world who look exactly like you. Doppelgängers you’ll never meet. I bet this kid is just one of them and they’re paying him an exorbitant amount of dear old daddy’s inheritance for him to pretend to be their brother.” Her lips curl, “They- they just want the attention or something. That isn’t him. It _can’t_ be him. It can’t.” 

* * *

Davis squints at a phone, a pair of round glasses now perched on his nose, “Well, damn. Is that the kid?” He passes the phone back to someone behind the camera, “When was this taken? I’ve been retired for years, so it’s no wonder I didn’t hear about it. But that- he looks about thirteen in that photo. Someone must’ve snapped it in ‘02 or ‘03. Why didn’t they come forward with it until now?” 

* * *

Bethany waves her hands, “Look, I know it sounds crazy, but a mysterious man with an umbrella? A murdered president? An accident in a corner building that killed a ton of curiously unidentified people? A Russian woman and an escaped asylum patient? A hulking man called King Kong who worked for Jack Ruby?” She seems to be getting more and more excited as she speaks, “A kidnapped little boy? A prominent civil rights activist who just… vanished? A mysterious visionary bearing a startling resemblance to one of the Umbrella Academy members? That can’t be a coincidence!” She flaps her hands, eye twitching compulsively, “And the thing that gets me is that the escaped asylum patient was put away for going after Lee Harvey Oswald and having crazed ramblings about the president dying!” Her eyes are wild, curls escaping from her bandana, “I think that Klaus Hargreeves is the reborn leader of Destiny's Children. I think that he _knew_ what was coming and I think that his reincarnation will lead us into a better and brighter future!”

* * *

Davis raises an eyebrow, clearly incredulous, “What do you mean this photo was taken two weeks ago? That’s not…” he laughs, “That’s… that’s not possible, right?” 

* * *

Klaus Hargreeves sits, arms crossed behind his head, revealing that he is not wearing any shirt under his army vest, tattoos criss crossing his chest. His leather pants shine in the light and he raises an eyebrow at the camera, “Bethany? Uhhh, no, I don’t recall anyone by that name.” 

* * *

Number Five sips from his coffee cup, “What? Yeah I can remember living with Reginald. He was an asshole.” He frowns, “I’m not a fake. Or a clone. Or a doppelgänger or some other silly shit. I’m me. Not that I could care what you think. Frankly, I didn’t want to do this but apparently Allison was getting harassed and then there was a photo and-“ Five puts his coffee down on the table with more force than necessary, “When did people start running around with cameras on their phones all the time? What the hell is with that? What happened to having a sense of privacy! Why, back in _my_ day-“ 

* * *

“Ohhhhh wait- wait- wait,” Klaus laughs, “She’s still wearing that bandana right? It’s got like a little- little flower print lookin’ splotch on the left side? Yeah yeah yeah, that sounds familiar. She’s got like an eye twitch and stuff.” He wrinkles his nose, “She was always kinda weird. But y’know,” he grins, “She had other talents.” 

* * *

Bethany gesticulates excitedly, “I mean it makes sense- it has to be connected to the umbrella man on the grassy knoll. My husband, Charles, says that they’re alien clones but I don’t think so. There’s something else at play here. If only we could access more of the actual footage but I only have the last few minutes.” She adjusts the end of her bandana thoughtfully. There is a small flower print splotch on the left side. 

* * *

A man in a suit folds his hands. He is plain, his dull brown hair receding from his forehead. He smiles, calm and boring and unusual, no identifying markers or traits other than perceptive blue eyes, “I’m afraid my organization has nothing to say on the matter.” 

* * *

A worn VHS recording buzzes to life on an ancient television. Bethany sits before it, “Here, let me just, I couldn’t get all of it. They only aired the full broadcast once in the late seventies. I didn’t even know they were showing it until late so I only got the last bit.” She sighs mournfully, “And it never aired again. If you ask me, I don’t think they’re allowed. Here-” the static fuzzes, loud and blurry. Then, a man appears, a news anchor, speaking as he holds a picture in his hands, “-is asking the public to be on the lookout for this unidentified boy, who they believe is being held hostage by the suspected terrorist network. Please stay with us as we follow this story.” 

On the screen, there is a blurred and faded picture of a boy peering over a fence. He appears to be wearing a suit and tie, which could be the color of the umbrella academy uniform if the film was not in black and white. The boy bears a striking resemblance to Number Five. 

* * *

The nondescript man in the suit shrugs, “We don’t keep track of newsreels or missing children here. I believe that would be better suited for another department. We have more important things to take care of. Such as matters of national security.” 

* * *

Number Five crosses his arms, “What? Kennedy? I didn’t kill him. I wasn’t there. Absolutely not. No way. I wasn’t on the grassy knoll, I mean that’s ridiculous. Have you seen me? I’m thirteen. I’m just a kid.” He adds, deadpan, “Goo goo gah gah.” 

* * *

Allison, Klaus, and Five sit next to each other on the couch. Five is gesturing with annoyance, “-look, I mean, I’m here, I’m alive.” Klaus raises his hands, “It’s a miracle!” 

Five continues over him, “I think we’re done here right? I’ve got nothing more to declare. I’m alive. Done, declared.” He glares at a clock on the wall, “I’ve got a dinner date with Dolores in a couple minutes.” Allison puts her head in her hands as Five glares at the camera, or more correctly, something behind it that he deems unsatisfactory, “She’s my wife, okay? I’m not keeping her waiting, and, frankly I’d rather be with her than here.” 

Klaus coos, “Aw, you guys are so cute little Number Five.” 

“That’s it, I’m gone.” 

“Five wait-“ 

There is a bright flash of blue and white, a ripple or disturbance in the air, and Five is just… gone before Allison can finish her sentence. 

She sighs heavily, “I hate it when he does that.” 

Klaus shrugs, “What can you do, sis? Sometimes you can’t reason with old people.”

* * *

Davis carefully folds his glasses, fingers shaking, “I can’t believe they found him.” He wipes his eyes, “I mean, it’s been so _long_ . And that’s- that’s him alright. Look at the way he moves. He’s… _exactly_ like him. A little grumpier maybe, but…” he laughs wetly, “I can’t believe it. They found him.” 

* * *

The woman with dark hair, Mia, pulls her cardigan tighter around her, “What? Of course it’s him. I’d totally believe it, stranger things have happened right?” She leans back, shrugging, “Superpowered children who can mind control people and vanish and speak to the dead? What’s wrong with one reappearing out of nowhere. I mean that’s what the kid’s powers were right? It makes total sense.”

* * *

Sara shakes her head, “No, it’s not him. That just doesn’t happen. No. I don’t believe it. I mean, it just doesn’t make any sense. He can’t still be thirteen. It’s not possible. It’s not him.” 

* * *

Bethany holds her VHS tape in her hands possessively, “It’s him. He’s connected to Klaus somehow, I just know it. I don’t know how but he is. Maybe he’s a reincarnation too. But we never met him in Destiny’s Children… oh speaking of, we’re actually still around. Do you want a pamphlet?” 

* * *

Issac blinks from behind his glasses, “Oh, do I believe that it’s him? Obviously. It’s the same kid. I’ve seen Bethany’s tape. And I’ve looked it over. It’s not a fake. That kid was definitely time traveling. Everyone keeps complicating it with aliens and clones and reincarnations and such nonsense. It’s time travel. And that’s _him_. That’s the Boy.” 

* * *

The man in the suit leans forward, “What do you mean there’s a tape?”

The screen goes dark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory fic memes for flavor: https://ford-ye-fiji.tumblr.com/post/633003510921887744/memes-for-chapter-one-of-the-vanishing-boy-which-u


	2. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mentioned that the umbrella academy was in Chicago. The discord I'm in has had extensive discussions about where on earth it happened. I just decided to pick Chicago bc NYC was the next most likely and I just didn’t want NYC to have everything XD
> 
> EDIT: I HIT POST INSTEAD OF SAVE DRAFT ASKSKKS I guess here have the chapter early now

**@cryptidcrechur**

it’s a load of bullshit 

**@isurehopeitdoes**

What makes you say that 

**@cryptidcrechur**

bc it is. time travel is bs

**@isurehopeitdoes**

ok but what abt back 2 the future 

**@cryptidcrechur**

blocked and reported 

* * *

A woman in a suit and tie smiles into a microphone, she stands in front of a large crowd and an empty stage, “-in a few minutes the umbrella academy press conference will be under way. This is the first time in several years that all the former academy students will be in the same place at the same time.” 

* * *

**@SarahHill134**

did u hear abt the tape

**@bojingles**

u h yeah we watched the doc

**@SarahHill134**

no the t a p e follow up

**@bojingles**

there’s a follow up???

**@SarahHill134**

yea h LSD lady had a break in, got robbed the tape is gone

**@bojingles**

no fcuking way _no fukcngi wya_

**@SarahHill134**

yeah kinda sus rlly

* * *

The woman nods, “Many think that this press conference was called because of the documentary that came out involving Number Five’s disappearance in 2002. For those unfamiliar with the case and just tuning in, Number Five disappeared when he was thirteen. He walked out of a family meal and never came back.” Her smile remains wide and bright as she continues speaking, “He reappeared however, in early 2019, still seemingly thirteen. The internet soon picked up on his return and it became so widespread that the family agreed to do a documentary to clear up any questions.” 

* * *

**@anxiety &sparkles**

honestly tho doctors hate him

**@horsefacemcgee**

who

**@anxiety &sparkles**

Five Hargreeves

**@horsefacemcgee**

uh why

**@anxiety &sparkles**

bc he’s 30 but looks 13

**@horsefacemcgee**

ajjwksksksks 

* * *

“However, events remained unclear even after the long awaited documentary came out on streaming services. Not only that but the production crew and filmmakers unearthed another part of the mystery. They discovered a strange cult in the sixties with links back to the family, as well as a supposed appearance of the very same missing child in a newsreel about the Kennedy assassination. Unfortunately, these claims cannot be confirmed or denied by the evidence presented. Only those who might have been there can shed light on the subject. Hopefully at this press conference, the Hargreeves family will do exactly that.”

* * *

**@himbos4miles**

everyone talkin bout 5 but what abt Luther that man got jacked

**@pineappleonpizzaisgood**

built like a brick h o u s e

**@himbos4miles**

he could bench press 5 n Vanya and probs Klaus too

**@pineappleonpizzaisgood**

like it’s hard 2 bench press those 2 

**@hollabackpls**

2 or like 2

**@himbos4miles**

what

**@hollabackpls**

2 or _2???_

**@himbos4miles**

oh ha no not diego stfu 

* * *

There is a stage with a cloth covered table. Lights and camera flash, people waiting as one singular person sits down. There are six empty seats in total. He sits in the fifth one. The news reporter faces away from the camera, brows furrowed as the boy leans into the mic, lips twisted with distaste, “I’m here to clear up the confusion around my reappearance.” 

Number Five smiles tightly, lips warped and stretched and it’s not a smile, more of a grimace that could make a baby cry. 

Someone shouts from the crowd, “Where are your siblings?”

Five leans into the mic again, eyes bright, “They’re running a little late because I took the only car and left early.” 

* * *

**@x0_666Rhona_0x-deactivated125255**

the sky is blue, the grass is green, and the VHS wasn’t stolen

**@itsacold &abrokenmammamia**

br o ur fbi agent is gonna arrest you 

**@justpizzasauce**

um op is deactivated 

**@itsacold &abrokenmammamia**

_f u c k_

* * *

After the clamor dies down, Five speaks again, “So. I saw the documentary. I can confirm a few things. First off, I didn’t kill Kennedy.” A ripple of laughter trails through the crowd, “My sister almost did though. But that’s neither here nor there.” He waves a hand nonchalantly as the laughter turns weak and confused, “I just wanted to confirm things for that one guy, uh I think Issac?” 

He leans forward, lips almost touching the mic, “Your friend Charles is right, Issac. Reginald was an alien.” Everyone goes quiet as he continues, “He was, actually, the man with the umbrella. He was trying to stop Diego from saving the president. Which good thing because then the world would’ve ended again. So you're welcome for that.” He pauses, brows furrowing, “Huh. I guess in a sense, I did kind of kill the president.” 

* * *

**@buzzfeedmysteries**

So about that press conference 

**@xflowerblog**

He was clearly fucking with everyone 

**@pizzapicklesnpie**

no bro he was dead serious 

**@buzzfeedmysteries**

really u guys come onto my post 

**@pizzapicklesnpie**

THAT WAS HIM IN THE SIXTIES PIC I STG

**@xflowerblog**

is it crack? is that what u smoke? you smoke crack?

**@pizzapicklesnpie**

i will stab u with a fork

**@buzzfeedmysteries**

...i don’t want the discourse i just wanted to point out that 5 is clearly a feral baby ;w;

* * *

Five stands up and the reporter starts forward along with the crowd, the room shifting, “So there. I didn’t kill Kennedy, uh, Reginald was an asshole alien. And I saved the world twice. You’re welcome.” 

He turns to go, the volume and whispers in the room rising as the reporter turns back to face the camera, eyes wide as she addresses the cameraman, “Wait- where is he going he didn’t answer anything!” 

There is a shout and then the room erupts into an uproarious clamor as Five vanishes from the stage in a flash of light. It looks as if he’d simply stepped through a tear into the fabric of reality, disappearing into thin air. 

* * *

**@superumbrellafreak**

Ok but i feel like no one is talking about the real mystery here

**@superumbrellafreak**

which is can the 13 year old boy fucking drive???

**@itssssssdoris**

Excuse you hes 58

**@otherpeoplearehell**

look ive seen his siblings my bet is only the girls can drive all the bros are huge himbos except 5

**@2sweetcakes**

Ben wasn’t a himbo

**@otherpeoplearehell**

Ben’s fcuking dead 

**@2sweetcakes**

And???? He wasn’t a himbo!!!!!!

**@superumbrellafreak**

guys pls they were real people let’s not talk about this 

**@otherpeoplearehell**

fuck off get ur own post

**@superumbrellafreak**

im???? im op????

* * *

“Wow, okay, thanks for that, Cynthia.” 

The news anchor shuffles his paper, “We’ll leave the public to come to their own conclusions on that subject. Though in my personal opinion, um. Wow.” He laughs disbelievingly, “Okay, I guess. Thanks for saving us, Number Five?” 

He shakes his head, “Okay, it’s- it’s commercial break. Come back after and we’ll delve further in on well, on that I guess.” 

The screen goes dark. 

* * *

**@hdxagon**

i personally would’ve welcomed our alien overlords so why’d they gotta be old abusive rich dudes 

**@hihihihi**

there’s not gonna be sexy alien overlords you dumb bitch 

**@hdxagon**

:( 

* * *

The camera shot is shaky, clearly filmed on a phone, it zooms in, blurring before focusing on the subject of the shot, a small child in schoolboy shorts and a taller man in leather, they are in an alleyway, bent over some object in the boy’s arms. 

Their words are just barely audible, “-where did you even find that Five?”

The boy recoils, and yes, though the camera angle is bad and clearly shot from behind a corner a distance away, it is clear that this is Number Five, “It’s not a ‘ _that_ ’ Diego.” 

The man frowns and he bends down, “Well what is _it_ then shithead?”

The boy hisses, “ _He_ is a dog. I think he’s hurt.” 

“Oh it’s a he now?”

The boy glares, eyes narrowing and the thing squirms in his arms, whimpering pitifully. Diego starts backwards, “Oh shit, you weren’t kidding.” 

Five rolls his eyes, “Yes, finally, you’re using that thing you call a brain. What do I do with him?”

Diego bends down again and he seems to be studying Five for a moment, who fidgets under his gaze. After a moment Diego straightens, “Well he looks hurt. Let’s take him back to mom. Get him patched up.” 

He ruffles Five’s hair. Five glowers up at him, but noticeably does not nudge him away. If that is because of the dog in his arms or because he actually doesn’t mind is unclear. The person behind the camera coos and they both whirl around, the camera zooming out, “Who’s there?”

The cameraman curses, “Oh _shit_ -“ the world blurring before the screen cuts out. 

* * *

**@jajajaja**

okay but like they’re both named Klaus

**@catcastrapercaspera**

Some guy named johnson was president in the sixties and in the eighteen hundreds doesn’t mean they were the same dudes

**@ieatleaves**

that depends on who u ask

**@jajajaja**

klaus n klaus literally look exactly alike tho

**@catcastrapercaspera**

ho no they dont 

**@ahorseisahorse**

I think they look alike plus they got the same tats y’all saw him in the doc right the tatts match

**@catcastrapercaspera**

oh like the butts match??? Bitch try again

**@arthursfunblog**

so no one is going to address that guy who thinks Johnson and Johnson are the same dudes or…?

**@thisishallow33n**

those are the shampoo people right 

**@damnbitchulivelikethis**

this post is a trainwreck 

* * *

“Vanya! Vanya! Vanya, can you answer our questions!” 

Vanya’s shoulders hunch, clearly uncomfortable even through a camera screen. She is carrying a violin case and dressed in a suit, most likely on her way to perform in a concert. One reporter asks, “Vanya! What are your responses to renewed book sales?” 

She pauses abruptly, frowning at him, “Um. Uh, I guess… sorry everyone? I didn’t mean to air our problems to the public?”

The reporter looks taken aback as Vanya raises an eyebrow defiantly. There is a flash of blue and the reporter actually stumbles back into the crowd this time as Number Five appears next to her, “Vanya, c’mon, we’re waiting.”

He shoots a glare at the reporter, and just as the crowd seems to recover, shouts of “Vanya!” and “Number Five!” starting to grow, they both vanish in another flash of light. 

* * *

**@superlockedinabox**

the internet saw five went “is anyone gonna adopt that” and then didnt wait for an answer 

**@oneternalhorizons**

to be fair that’s apparently what Reggie did 

**@superlockedinabox**

what do you mean

**@oneternalhorizons**

he bought the kids. with money. literally. 

**@superlockedinabox**

what the fuck

* * *

A woman wearing a smooth dress in dark jewel tones sits in a chair, “Soon we’ll show you all the recording that is currently blowing up the internet. It involves the disappearance of Number Five. Do you remember that kid, John?”

John, an older man dressed in a dark suit clasps his hands to her left, “The milk carton kid, right Nancy?” 

The woman, Nancy nods, “That’s right, John. Number Five,” she addresses the camera, “who you may all remember as the kid who was on the milk carton on and off for nearly a decade, has made a reappearance. Or, someone who looks like him has. This video was shot just yesterday, and since then it’s had almost two hundred million views, quickly surpassing the set record for most viewed video within twenty four hours.” She smiles, “Let’s roll the clip please.”

The screen shifts quickly to a phone recording. A woman’s voice, the person filming, is clearly breathless as she rounds a corner, camera shaking, “Holy sh*t, holy sh*t- look look there he is! I swear to God that is him- holy f**king sh*t-“ 

A boy steps out of a taxi, passing the driver a wad of cash as the woman squeals, “He’s still wearing the f**king cutesy ass uniform!” 

The camera angle isn’t the best, too many people keep walking in the way and the video quality is terrible. 

The boy moves through the crowd before stopping, shoving his hands into his pockets, brows furrowed as he pauses and stares up at a building, unaware of the person following. 

The screen finally stops shaking and it stills, slowly edging around a person, zooming in on the boy’s face as he turns, clucking his tongue. The woman chokes and the recording stops, frozen on the boy’s face. 

There is no mistaking that the boy on this recording looks exactly like Number Five. 

* * *

**@gojiraaaaa**

New Jersey has a devil, West Virginia has moth man, well we Chicagoans have the best cryptid of all 

**@thebadegg**

um who?

**@gojiraaaaa**

Number fucking Five duh

* * *

A young girl sits on a plush sofa. Her hands are folded primly in her lap and dark curls spill over her shoulders. She is dressed in a blue uniform and red checked skirt, an Umbrella Academy insignia on her jacket. To her left sits a blond boy, lips pulled into a line. To her right, sits three other boys in matching uniforms. The recording is clearly very old and fizzes terribly. 

The girl speaks, her voice wavering, “My name is Allison Hargreeves and I’m here to ask you all to help me bring my brother home.”

* * *

 **@definitelyhuman**

why did no one tell me there’s an official umbrella academy twitter I just got called out for saying five had rabies 

**@sadstrangelilboy**

why are u like this

**@helenainahandbasket**

bitch what did they say 

**@definitelyhuman**

they said klaus was the one with rabies but five would probably contract it bc he bites anyone who gets into his personal space 

**@helenainahandbasket**

holy shit 

* * *

The blond boy, Luther Hargreeves, squirms uncomfortably in his seat as his sister looks away from the camera, arms crossed, very pointedly facing away as if embarrassed. She wipes at her eyes as Luther speaks, “...We just uh. We all miss you, a lot.” The curly haired boy, Klaus, tacks on, drawing the attention to him, “Yeah, and we’d all really like your help trying to find him.” The boy in between them, Diego, nudges his brother in the side, tugging him down to whisper something in his ear. After a moment Klaus nods and adds, “And we all really want to stop stepping in sandwiches, Five. Vanya still leaves them out for you.” 

Ben, the boy on the end, adds quietly, “So come home and eat them, okay?”

* * *

**@thatbitch**

time 2 kill Reggie whos with me 

**@holdmyf1ower**

c’mon let’s be classy the dudes already dead

**@thatbitch**

like that could stop me from getting his bitch ass

**@hello-goodbye**

Storm Reggie’s Grave Site, They Can’t Stop All Of Us

* * *

“-to solve the mystery once and for all, fingerprint and DNA evidence was compared to previous samples. The samples provided proved that Number Five is, in fact, the Number Five that disappeared in 2002. However, a source who wishes to remain anonymous decided to also run the fingerprints through the criminal database. What they found was far more complicated.” 

The man reads clinically from a paper, glasses perched on the end of his nose, “The prints belonging to Number Five have shown up in multiple unsolved cold cases spanning the length of the last century. We have cases from 1924, 1938, 1943, 1955, 1963, and 1967, as well as several more scattered across the country in the 70s, 80s, and 90s. The source affirms that they checked and double checked these samples. They also state they ran it through the DNA database as well.” 

He continues, words clear and unwavering, “Samples of Number Five’s DNA have been discovered in many other crime scenes. However, strangely enough, in several of the more recent instances, the DNA was determined to be that of a white male in his mid to late fifties or early sixties. How exactly this happened remains to be seen. The source says they reached out to colleagues in Europe who also ran the fingerprints. This reveals even more genetic matches to evidence.” 

The man leans forward, “Why is Number Five connected to so many criminal activities, with his fingerprints consistently matching? If it’s not him then why are so many experts being fooled by this? Why would the DNA evidence indicate that he was supposedly a sixty year old man if it is, in fact, Number Five? Tune in after our commercial break where we talk to experts on genetic testing to determine how and why this might be happening.”

* * *

**@imthebeesknees**

ok but like they totally killed Kennedy 

**@pillowscream3**

who???

**@imthebeesknees**

the girl reading this 

* * *

“Here we have our first caller, sir you are on the air, please go ahead.” 

“Yeah, that kid- that little shit, he stalked me, threatened me, and burnt down the damn building I worked at!” 

“Um…” the radio host sounds extremely confused, “Number Five did? That’s who we’re talking about here, you realize?”

“Yeah. The little asshole was looking for an eye. He ruined my career.” 

The radio host laughs, “Okay sir. My personal advice to you is to either stop trolling or to cut back on the drink, okay?”

“I’m not lying-!”

“Oh look, we have another caller.” The line clicks and then, “Hello, you’re on the air.”

“Heyyyy, first time listener and first time caller. Tell Lance that next time he shouldn’t make it so easy for people to access information on his patients. And tell him that we didn’t burn down his office! Or if we did I wasn’t there for that. Or I was too high to remember."

“...Who is this?” 

The line clicks.

The host sighs, “Last caller. Hello sir, you’re on the air.” 

There’s a pause, an intake of air and a boy’s childish voice, “Excuse me ma’am, I’ll be right out of your hair.” 

The radio host starts, “Wait, what-?” 

The small boy on the other end of the line speaks over her, clearly furious, “Hey fuckwit, I know you’re listening. Get the fuck off the radio Klaus or I’ll beat the shit out of you. Luther told you to be here five minutes ago and I don’t know where the fuck you are but it shouldn’t be harrassing eyeball guy on the damn radio-”

The line cuts out as the host laughs nervously, “Okay, I apologize, listeners, for that little uhhh episode. We’ll be right back after this commercial and after we block those numbers…”

* * *

**@bootypest**

honestly the time travel theory makes the most sense idc who u are or what u say- it was time travel. Five traveled back in time killed Kennedy + then misjudged his next jump and came back to 2019

**@therealnumberfivetheboy**

close but no cigar 

**@therealnumberfivetheboy**

I traveled into an alternate reality of 2019 wherein an apocalypse had ended the world. I spent 45 years there until I figured out how to get back home. 

**@therealnumberfivetheboy**

I returned to 2019, but ultimately failed to stop the end of the world, so I traveled back to the nineteen sixties with my idiotic family in tow, where they fucked up everything. 

**@therealnumberfivetheboy**

But I got us all home. Eventually. And stopped the end of the world twice so. 

**@bootypest**

Can we not have rp blogs reply to my shit 

* * *

“-Umbrella Academy has been trending on Twitter for several days now, and in light of such an event, along with the reappearance of one of their missing members, many people have decided to reread Vanya’s Hargreeves’s book _Extra Ordinary: My Life as Number Seven_. However, this has led to a “cancelling” of Reginald Hargreeves. Reginald Hargreeves, for those who weren’t able to hear the recap, is the inventor, billionaire, and adoptive father of the Umbrella Academy.” 

The woman folds her hands over her desk, words clear and crisp, “In the last several days, after a Twitter thread live tweeted the watching of _The Vanishing Boy_ , the _Unsolved Mysteries_ ’ documentary episode on the members disappearance and reappearance, many turned to Vanya’s book for another perspective on the Umbrella Academy’s inner workings. Vanya Hargreeves herself was asked to comment. She merely said that ‘a lot of the information she shared was unfair to her siblings because they all were suffering abuse and that she had no right to trash them on such a public level.’ However, Vanya said as well that, ‘she only regretted not dwelling on her father more as he was an abusive-‘ hm, well, something we can’t say on national television.” 

She laughs, “Vanya refused to make any other comment, she merely leaves the audience to come to their own conclusions. The mass rereading of her book has led to an internet wide explosion and public cries of outrage as more of Reginald’s abuse comes to light. Not only has the documentary revealed that Reginald might have actively bribed the former police commissioner to stop the manhunt for his missing son, we have a quote here from the man himself during an acceptance speech for one of his rewards. Let’s let Reginald speak for himself.” She clears her throat, reading off of a paper, “‘In closing, I’ve like to point out that I never desired to break the children. I merely sought to foster their potential- which was, unfortunately, never that vast.’”

The woman puts down her paper, raising an eyebrow pointedly at the camera. 

* * *

**@absurdthebird**

so thoughts

**@theredherring**

tbh I don’t care for the truth, whatever it is, i would die for 5 

**@absurdthebird**

fair 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reginald's quote is an actual quote from the comics! I found it here: https://ford-ye-fiji.tumblr.com/post/633084343426940930/mynumberfivethings-me-if-i-was-in-the-crowd-of
> 
> Some extra photoshopping to accompany the story for flavor: https://ford-ye-fiji.tumblr.com/post/633091861669707776/the-next-chapter-of-the-vanishing-boy-wont-be-out
> 
> And of course, more memes: https://ford-ye-fiji.tumblr.com/post/633331322266533888/memes-to-go-along-with-the-second-chapter-of-the

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has now been translated into Russian which you can read here: https://ficbook.net/readfic/10015757


End file.
